Sex and Sexuality - Little things that matter

 



By Funmi Akingbade (cafi.punch@yahoo.com

                     







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True love is weighty, tangible, visible aninfluential; it is felt when expressed through practice and positive actions. It is not possible to be around fire and not feel the heat, except it is artificial or make-believe. Similarly when true love grows at home, the fruits are there for all to see and enjoy.

The proof that you love your partner is not only that you have warm affectionate feelings towards them. The proof is in your actions, words and sacrifice, your willingness to give the best of yourself and your willingness to get nothing in return. We will even desire for them far more than it is within our power to give. This type of heart-felt love is not only visible when we do big things for our mates but in little things. Have a listening ear, sometimes all it takes to show that you really love someone is to just listen. Speak encouraging words rather than condemning and criticising; then lovingly and calmingly point out any wrongs they have done when necessary. Look for little ways to always show how much you care.

Many wives want to be their husband’s confidant, he must be free to let you know his innermost being, his deepest fears, anxieties, actions and mistakes, and you want to be the closest to him. Just the act of giving him your loyal support and assurance and letting him know you are his number one fan and stop comparing him with others can get this done. A common mistake women make is to compare their husbands with other women’s husbands and try to change or mould him into the image of their ideal man. The energy and time wasted on this stress and strain the relationship to the point of damage.

One of the simplest acts in marriage is to make sure your slogan is ‘friends for life’. To be the best of friends does not mean couples will always understand each other or always agree on everything. No. There will be countless moments of disagreement but these disagreements should be handled well. Wise couples never allow their differences to degenerate into heated bickering or make them to build a wall of separation.

Don’t talk about the children all the time. Once in a while, leave the children out of your discussions. It’s tempting, but you have to try and talk about whatever it is you used to talk about together while you were still dating. Find ways to look for things to laugh about, giggle together and keep those conversations alive. For husbands, this might be a few minutes of stroking your wife’s hair and just saying she is the best. For wives, this might just be a few minutes of caressing the centre of his head and plastering it with kisses. One mistake married couples make is that they stop dating after marriage. Actually, married couples should continue dating after marriage; in other words, courtship should start afresh after marriage, not the other way round. In general, couples would do well when they revisit adolescent times. Just as dating was an important way to get to know each other and connect before marriage, it a great way to stay connected during marriage.

Early on Saturday mornings, get into the car, run off to some beachside resort or any other nice place just for an hour or so and share a joke, tickle each other, do a hide and seek game all by yourselves. If Lagos traffic will not help make this a reality, your garage, balcony, backyard or living room can do the trick. Once in a while, spontaneously have sex on the floor of your living room or on the couch or in the laundry area. This little act of recapturing the good old dating days is one of the highest senses of bonding couples would ever experience.

The simple act of making it a point of duty to call your spouse once a day or as many times as possible makes many relationships very healthy. It does not have to be a long conversation; just a quick call to say ‘you were on my mind, so I called to say I love you’; ‘how has your day been? Hope it has just perfect. Sharing the chores will help rekindle romance it may be challenging for a wife to get her husband’s food and her own body ready at the same time for her husband. Marriage is a team effort that requires both spouses working together.

Taking an interest in what your spouse loves to do and doing it together helps to renew your friendship. As your husband is walking out the door in the morning, tell him you can’t wait to have sex with him that night. This type of anticipation builds up sexual strength and excitement all day long. It will not only make him more productive at work but also effective in bed.