SEX & SEXUALITY : What is the goal of sex?

By: Funmi Akingbade 

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The “goal” of sex is pleasurable touch, not necessarily earthquake orgasm because sex is far more than intercourse. It includes sensually arousing touch that is best to enjoy for its own sake. Sex must be given freely as a gift, not forced or used as a reward or punishment. It is also essential to respect your partner’s style of arousal. While men are often aroused and then pursue sex, women often need a sense of emotional intimacy before feeling aroused and ultimately pursuing sexual intimacy.

Each partner is responsible for seeking to create sexual satisfaction for one another via good communication. It is important to talk about what turns you on and what turns you off; share desires and fantasies, as well as sexual hang-ups. There is no crime in modesty or boldness. What’s important is to be comfortable with how you connect sexually and the frequency you do so; and that you connect in a way that leaves you sexually satisfied. If your desire is low, acknowledge the challenge, you are taking good step toward improving your relationship. Many men put their wives in a tight corner when they look out for orgasm or climaxing from their wives, hence these women live a life of faking orgasm.

Many men wonder why wives fake orgasm. To them, it should be very simple. But ejaculation is easy for men while orgasm isn’t that easy!

It probably starts when a woman is not really feeling the passion in bed, or isn’t really turned on while having sex.

And she looks up at her man who is probably sweating, panting and exerting virile strength while penetrating her, to make her reach orgasm. And when a woman knows she’s just not going to climax anyway, it’s easier for her to just fake it instead of waiting for the elusive passion to overwhelm her and sweep her into a thigh quivering orgasm! Faking it and convincing her man that she’s just experienced a tremor in her loins would at least make her man feel proud of himself.

Faking an orgasm often is never good, not for the man, and definitely not for the woman! But in case men are wondering, it will surprise men to know that the biggest reason is pity. Yes pity, you’re not arousing her enough to bring her to climax, and she’s given up on achieving an orgasm. But she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings because she cares about you, and finds it easier to just fake it and end it. She knows you’re trying hard. She’s feeling bad about it, but for some reason, she’s just not able to climax. And she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings or crumble your confidence, so she lies to you just to see you smile proudly.

Another reason is that she’s not in the mood; she’s having sex only because you want it.

Some other time, the woman may just be preoccupied. There’s something on her mind, and she’s too distracted to enjoy sex. She may make love to you, but her preoccupied mind may just distract her from having a real orgasm. And sometimes husbands are just boring! When a wife notices that her husband is waiting for her, she can just give in to help relieve him. You’re almost about to explode, and she can feel it. You move in and out of her a few times, and you hold your breath like you’re trying hard to prevent a case of premature ejaculation, before continuing again. Or when she is in a hurry, maybe you’re initiating sex out of the blues, and she’s got better things to do. Perhaps, she wants to sleep, watch her favourite show, attend to the baby or get out and do something. What’s the fastest way to wrap sex up? Yeah, fake it! When a woman is under pressure to make it awesome maybe during your special day like your anniversary or a birthday, and if she doesn’t feel great that night, she might just pretend to be completely turned on and aroused, just to make sex more memorable for you.

When she is not comfortable with a particular position, be assured she will fake orgasm. Maybe you’ve read about a new position that you want to try, or you’re suddenly feeling very horny while watching the television. And you push her down on a hard surface, contort her body and penetrate her. She may try to enjoy it, but if it’s too uncomfortable to experience any pleasure out of it, she may just want to end it with a fake orgasm.

She’s never really had an orgasm! Well, there are many women out there who still don’t know what an orgasm is. They’ve had sex, and they have programmed their minds to squeeze their pelvis before a guy ejaculates. They just don’t know what it feels like to orgasm, and they don’t really care to fix it because they’re too used to it!

When a wife is angry, and doesn’t want to confront the issue or sit up talking about it and you are teasing her and seducing her into having sex, she may find it easier to just do the deed. Instead of picking up quarrels with you, on such occasion, she will fake orgasm.

When a wife is stressed out, inasmuch as she wants to enjoy sex, she may just be too tired to enjoy it. And if she doesn’t want to upset you or make you feel bad about your performance, she may just fake it.

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Blood with my faecal products during sex

I am 48 years old and for some times now, I have been passing out blood with my faecal products especially immediately after sex. I do not and have not practised anal sex before but this has become a normal occurrence. Is it an old age syndrome or what do I do?

Mr. Willy Amicus

This may likely be pile otherwise called haemorrhoid which is a swollen, inflamed anal vain or veins. It usually affects people between the ages of 45 and 65. Symptoms (which can include pain, itching, swelling, and bleeding during bowel movements) usually go away within a few days; but when it presents itself with bleeding or severe pain especially while having sex, you should see a doctor. Constant constipation and diarrhoea may lead to pile and it could be hereditary. Sometimes age, straining during bowel movements and overuse of laxatives and heavy lifting, or any activity that causes you to strain or increases pressure on the veins of your rectum or anus, can cause pile.

Simple diet and lifestyle changes can reduce your chances of getting pile and also reduce the strain and pressure on your rectum when passing stools. Proper hydration and regular exercise also can improve digestion and reduce rectal straining. When you feel the need to have a bowel movement, don’t wait too long to use the bathroom.

Can I ever get any woman pregnant?

Can I ever get any woman pregnant? I have a small penis and I ejaculate prematurely. I must confess to you that I am so dejected. Can a man ejaculate and pee at the same time? My friends say that is why I have not been able to get my wife pregnant?

Mr. Morris Gabriel

Yes, you can get a woman pregnant, even though your penis is small and you ejaculate prematurely, some sperm cells can mix with the new sperm in your urethra from a previous ejaculation if you go for the second or the third round of sex. However, you do not need to suffer in silence. Medication is available against premature ejaculation, weak erection and erectile dysfunction with the newly discovered herbs for small penis.

Do exercise, weight, and age affect fertility?

I am into sport and love what I do. Though I’m married, I have difficulty in conceiving and I have had two miscarriages already. My husband thinks my sporting activities and underweight are responsible for the delay. He insists I should stop what I love to do. My question is this, do exercise, weight and age affect fertility? We have a very good sexual life.

Biota Hygenous

Actually, moderate exercise is good for everyone and exercise should be encouraged for both women and men who are gearing up to try to conceive. However, excessive, strenuous exercise in women may result in disruption of the ovulation cycle, thereby affecting her periods. Normal exercise has not been linked to miscarriages (loss of pregnancy), but certain forms of exercise (for example, high-impact) should be avoided in pregnancy. Even in men, too much exercise may cause a low sperm count. A woman’s peak fertility is in her early 20s. At age 35 and beyond (and particularly after 40), the likelihood of becoming pregnant reduces. Even as men age, levels of testosterone fall, and the volume and concentration of sperm changes. A healthy diet is very important for women who are trying for a baby. Weight loss can disrupt a woman’s menstrual cycle and thereby reduce her chances of becoming pregnant. When trying to add some weight, be mindful that being overweight can affect a woman’s fertility and can cause complications during pregnancy.