SEx and Sexuality: Take your relationship deeper

By Funmi Akingbade ,cafi.punch@yahoo.com
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There is something really special about truly happy couples, I mean the kind of couples that do not put up an act but childishly  share private jokes together; are truly delighted to see each other at the end of the day’s work; who naturally pull each other close even after decades of years together. Sure these types of couples are no doubt having great sex, but most especially they are having better conversations. 

are great listeners. Just as great sex requires each partner to be present and attentive to their spouse’s bodily needs and sexual communication, great talk happens when couples are fully present and attentive to each other’s words, body languages and emotional expression. Real listening enhances the romantic flame and the heat of sex and creates a deep friendship that keeps couples committed though life’s inevitable conflicts and challenges.

 It also opens the door to unexplainable deeper satisfaction. Research confirms that deep intimacy happens when couples have a heart to heart talk with ears, mind, body and soul focused on their spouse.

Learning to listen with your ears, mind and heart can open the door to a more intimate and more meaningful connection. 

It is very important to be familiar with the temperament of our partners; just because your spouse is quiet does not mean he or she does not have something to say. All that may be needed is time and space. Introverts who prefer to think things through before talking are mostly married to extroverts who think and conclude on the spur of the moment. Many extroverts unknowingly tend to ‘talk over’ their spouses and unfortunately often assume their partner’s silence means he or she has nothing to say and cares less about ‘us’ or the conflicting situation.

Couples should also take note that frequent silence may mean that a spouse has given up on being heard, understood and affirmed. This is always the case when a couple has not established an environment that is conversation-friendly. 

When a spouse’s views are not affirmed, understood or considered, he or she can feel hurt or resentful and shot down completely. This can result to resolving issues in an unhealthy fashion such as frequent defensiveness, criticism and stonewalling. 

Things get complicated more twisted when either spouse is not willing to hear the other out but instead seeks a third party ‘sympathetic ear,’ venting only negative observations to  friends and relatives, wanting them to cosign his or her distorted view. 

 But paying good attention can help couples discover a conversational ‘sweet spot.’ When you notice your spouse clears his or her throat or he or she repeats a certain phrase, or he or she wants a ride alone with you, or wants a helping hand with the house chores so as to be alone with you, you better listen up. 

Note that when emotions run high in a relationship, partners tend to become ‘hard of hearing’ or turn deaf ears. Don’t result into a defensive, inflexible and self-focused mode, or humiliate your spouse. You will lose your ground and sour the union. This can destroy the intimacy couples want to build together.

Talk about sex; some partners love sensational talk while some don’t. One great achievement of deep listening is that either partner can easily discover their mate.  Some partners often think their spouse should be able to please them without being given any instructions. If you know what you like and can communicate it, you will be empowering your mate to be a better lover. 

 There is no better place to display vulnerable emotions than on the bed. There is nothing sexier than knowing your partner is really into you and desires you real good anytime. One good thing about ‘talk in-time-of-sex’ is that it helps to prolong lovemaking and leads to powerful orgasms. When couples talk along during sex it helps them to be attentive, they develop the skill of being simultaneously aware of their separate state of mind, and help them pay close attention to the quality of their spouse’s touch. 

They also discover some nonverbal cues such as rapid breathing, various sounds, name callings and height of climaxing.