Sex & Sexuality
by Funmi Akingbade (cafi.punch@yahoo.com)
While searching for a partner, bear in
mind that not all couples may end up as “happily married thereafter.” A
happy marriage is not defined by the absence of conflict but by the
level of its success. A successful marriage is a system by which two
people who are imperfect are caught up with a dream bigger than
themselves, that they work on throughout the years in spite of repeated
disappointments, conflicts and troubles, wanting to make the dream come
through. Success in marriage depends largely on the couple’s
‘personality fit’ and this cannot usually be discovered until the
wedding is over and the couple are faced with the reality of the
marriage.
When an individual develops personality
and character that will enhance the building of a strong home, the
search for Mr. Right usually ends well. No matter how carefully prepared
we are for marriage, we cannot predict everything. Unexpected
situations may pop up with annoying frequency, forcing us to change our
plans. Just the facts of two completely different people coming together
as one will inevitably call for flexibility. Be adaptable and expect
the unexpected. Consider it as an opportunity to grow, to move in a
direction you might never have thought of.
Some problems cannot be solved, but
absorbed, so singles preparing for marriage need the ability to identify
and analyse problems, propose and choose a possible solution, and
follow it through. They will be able to solve most problems this way,
and will learn to walk around the ones they can’t solve. The important
thing is being committed to dealing with problems, not walking away from
them. They should also develop emotional stability, meaning that they
should be able to control their emotions. It means bridling their temper
and not making excuses for immature emotional outbursts. Occasional
loss of control is human, but a pattern reveals a deeper problem. Anyone
who constantly flies off the handle and then says, “I can’t help
myself” is not being honest. If that is truly the case, the person need
help. The problem is not a matter of being unable but the matter of
being unwilling.
Emotional stability means being willing
and able to accept responsibility for our feelings, words and actions.
In marriage it may not always be pleasant. It would not always be easy,
it may be a struggle at times but with commitment in view, it will
always be worthwhile and inside our struggles lays our strengths.
The price of greatness is
responsibility; before you step into marriage you must be able to
understand the word, “commitment.” This is a vital mark of love. When it
comes to preparing for marriage you need to know and embrace
wholehearted commitment. It is not enough to be in love but to be
committed enough in the relationship. Commitment will make a couple want
to stay together through good and bad times, to be a pillar of strength
to each other, come what may. This sense of commitment will make each
partner feel more secure. That is why it is very important not to get
involved in a relationship until that unmarried person has passed the
stage of youthful bloom – the period when sexual feelings run strong and
can distort one’s judgment. Many singles change rapidly in almost all
things, in values, desires, and focus as they grow up and many young
people who marry early out of infatuation find out that after marriage
their desires change. Such may regret their initial choice of partner
which will invariably lead to temptations and flirtations.
Romantic ecstasy is primarily and mainly
a hormonal trip after the first few months of sexual ecstasy you may be
fed up with the relationship; for sex alone does not maintain or
sustain a union. There are all possible indications that if you cannot
take care of your sexual passion as a single before marriage you will
not be able to handle your sexual gratification when married. This will
likely blow your mind to know that from statistic the married are more
tempted than the single.
Premarital sex does not strengthen any meaningful relationship, but rather breaks up couples in courtship, because the couple who get involved in premarital sex is less likely to marry each other than if they stay single.
It may be a struggle to control oneself until marriage but it’s worth it; and most worthwhile things come with a struggle.
You can be intimate with your espoused
partner and not relate sexually. Intimacy is not only sexual but also
emotional and intellectual. Do not confuse sex with love. Love may begin
with sex appeal at times, and while physical attraction is important
for total intimacy it is not the sum total of love. Sex and sexual
desire are biological but what a human being craves is the warmth and
closeness of a loving relationship.
Most singles are deceived by the thought
that sex is a fundamental need like the desire for air, water, food or
love; No! A need is defined as an element which if denied will result in
physical and psychological damage.
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